I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
