i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
