Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
