i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
a search helicopter?!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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