What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
