the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
