Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
