i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need a beard to bite.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
