Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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