Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
