saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
