i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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