haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
