she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
