:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Found the puke drawer
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
