good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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