I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
