Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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