i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
