Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
