based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
