I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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