We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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