He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
