is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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