Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
