I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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