I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
