party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
