I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
