i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
