Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
