in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
