I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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