I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
