You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We're too hungover to prance.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
