I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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