i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm getting married
To pizza
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
