I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The beer is more important than you right now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize