Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
