I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
