Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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