If i come over, it means nothing
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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