Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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