I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
