there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
