I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
