When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What a dumb baby whore.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
