I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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