What a fucking waste of an outfit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
