1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize