she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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