I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
