i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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