And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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