I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
