did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
they need to just BURY HIM!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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