I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
