even my farts smell like vagina
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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