Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
