everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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