just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
