Pappa wants mamma naked
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
