So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
