all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
