Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
