The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize