I didn't shave. On purpose
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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